Monday, 27 April 2009

Farewell Pit of Gloom. You won't be missed.

Having spent what seems like an eternity wallowing in the Pit of Gloom, steadfastly ignoring the conveniently placed ladder, I have finally come to the conclusion that it is time to haul myself out of my self imposed Hades and rejoin humanity. Thank God for inevitability. When one spends an inordinately large amount of time procrastinating in solitary confinement (self-employed), unendingly interspersed with an overexcited/exhausted 5 year old, reality becomes slightly skewed. Add some finely chopped self-doubt, a generous slug of post divorce angst, a handful of winter blues and ... Voilà! The perfect recipe for the Pit of Gloom. It will now be permanently consigned to the 'been there done that, no need to ever repeat'* list of experiences, along with an emergency Caesarean, marrying an alcoholic (obviously I didn't realise this at the time, I'm not completely stupid...) and accidentally running over a pedestrian (he was drunk and recovered). 

*The list is actually considerably longer, but in the interests of remaining in a positive frame of mind I have decided a précis will have to suffice.

I generally take a pragmatic view of life, most problems can be solved with some lateral thinking and a large dose of personal discipline. I always considered myself to be a 'half-full' type of person. The Pit of Gloom however, robbed me of my optimism, direction and creativity. I appreciate now that this is not an unusual state of affairs when one leaves a marriage, but it surprised me. There is also the realisation that the Pit of Gloom was not a place that I fell into after leaving, I had already been residing there for some time, it was just decorated differently.

So what has finally brought about this volte-face? Well, some may call it Serendipity or Synchronicity or even Divine Providence, I would like to think that my survival instinct finally kicked in and I realised that I was boring even myself, but I suspect it was a combination. The bottom line is that in spite of all the cr*p that has been flying around recently (and believe me there has been a lot), a few positive things have made their way through the quagmire that is my current reality. 

Small one and I went on holiday. Hence my lack of recent posts. Three lovely weeks visiting my parents in Singapore. There is nothing quite like a change of environment and a constant 28℃ to lift the spirits, particularly after a long, dark, cold British winter (admittedly it required a court order to be able to go because the Ex is a bitter, resentful s**t, but I shall not dwell on that).   

I have been offered a job. A proper, salary paying, creatively inspiring design job that actually utilises my skills. I wasn't really looking for one, I have been self-employed for an eternity and never really anticipated I would ever be formally employed again. I have, by necessity, become used to extreme juggling. The difference the glorious prospect of a simple structured existence doing something fulfilling without the financial panic at the end of the month makes, cannot be underestimated.

Then there is this tiny corner of cyberspace that I now call home. I never really understood the point of blogging until I started. Having achieved nothing of note for a considerable period of time, I couldn't envisage what on earth I would write about, or frankly why anyone would feel the need to actually read my ramblings. All I can say is thank you. The complete and utter joy I feel when a kind soul leaves a comment is quite frankly unparalleled in my experience. I suspect it has in fact been the clincher to end the Pit of Gloom saga.

So what next? Who knows? From here, finally, the only way is up.