Monday, 27 April 2009

Farewell Pit of Gloom. You won't be missed.

Having spent what seems like an eternity wallowing in the Pit of Gloom, steadfastly ignoring the conveniently placed ladder, I have finally come to the conclusion that it is time to haul myself out of my self imposed Hades and rejoin humanity. Thank God for inevitability. When one spends an inordinately large amount of time procrastinating in solitary confinement (self-employed), unendingly interspersed with an overexcited/exhausted 5 year old, reality becomes slightly skewed. Add some finely chopped self-doubt, a generous slug of post divorce angst, a handful of winter blues and ... Voilà! The perfect recipe for the Pit of Gloom. It will now be permanently consigned to the 'been there done that, no need to ever repeat'* list of experiences, along with an emergency Caesarean, marrying an alcoholic (obviously I didn't realise this at the time, I'm not completely stupid...) and accidentally running over a pedestrian (he was drunk and recovered). 

*The list is actually considerably longer, but in the interests of remaining in a positive frame of mind I have decided a précis will have to suffice.

I generally take a pragmatic view of life, most problems can be solved with some lateral thinking and a large dose of personal discipline. I always considered myself to be a 'half-full' type of person. The Pit of Gloom however, robbed me of my optimism, direction and creativity. I appreciate now that this is not an unusual state of affairs when one leaves a marriage, but it surprised me. There is also the realisation that the Pit of Gloom was not a place that I fell into after leaving, I had already been residing there for some time, it was just decorated differently.

So what has finally brought about this volte-face? Well, some may call it Serendipity or Synchronicity or even Divine Providence, I would like to think that my survival instinct finally kicked in and I realised that I was boring even myself, but I suspect it was a combination. The bottom line is that in spite of all the cr*p that has been flying around recently (and believe me there has been a lot), a few positive things have made their way through the quagmire that is my current reality. 

Small one and I went on holiday. Hence my lack of recent posts. Three lovely weeks visiting my parents in Singapore. There is nothing quite like a change of environment and a constant 28℃ to lift the spirits, particularly after a long, dark, cold British winter (admittedly it required a court order to be able to go because the Ex is a bitter, resentful s**t, but I shall not dwell on that).   

I have been offered a job. A proper, salary paying, creatively inspiring design job that actually utilises my skills. I wasn't really looking for one, I have been self-employed for an eternity and never really anticipated I would ever be formally employed again. I have, by necessity, become used to extreme juggling. The difference the glorious prospect of a simple structured existence doing something fulfilling without the financial panic at the end of the month makes, cannot be underestimated.

Then there is this tiny corner of cyberspace that I now call home. I never really understood the point of blogging until I started. Having achieved nothing of note for a considerable period of time, I couldn't envisage what on earth I would write about, or frankly why anyone would feel the need to actually read my ramblings. All I can say is thank you. The complete and utter joy I feel when a kind soul leaves a comment is quite frankly unparalleled in my experience. I suspect it has in fact been the clincher to end the Pit of Gloom saga.

So what next? Who knows? From here, finally, the only way is up. 


Francesca said...

Horray. That was worth waiting for. So glad the clouds are lifting. Strange that when one is in the depths, even though one knows that it will get better, it doesn't really help at the time.

Nora Johnson said...

Late Developer: So pleased to see you again! And that, from now onwards, the only way is up!

Agree wholeheartedly with you how liberating blogging is and that the pleasure derived from a response is simply beyond compare.

My very best wishes to you for the future,


Anonymous said...

Hi. Just come across you blog - and to what a post! Honest, amusing, tongue-in-cheek and creative. I shall definitely be coming back!

So Lovely said...

Welcome back. We've missed you. Not to get all introspective n'all but I do feel that you have to hit the bottom in order to climb away from it. Only speaking from my own experience.

mothership said...

I'm SO glad you're back! I missed you!
And how fabulous that you have a job, that will be really good for the company, the paychecks (they just keep rolling in) and the networking.
I am glad you joined the TAW forum. It's going to be a great ride for all of us - who knows what lies ahead (more synchronicity, of that I'm sure).
Rung by rung, out of the pit. Meet you on the way up.

Miss Whistle said...

I'm so glad you hauled yourself out. I wonder sometimes whether the advent of spring has something to do with the shedding of melancholy. It almost doesn't matter where you are in the world (England has more obvious seasons than California, where I live) but somehow, just around the middle of April, sunlight, in every sense of the word, returns.

Lovely blog too. Thank you.

MissW x

Late Developer said...

Francesca, It is blue skies from here on out, although goodness only knows what I will have to write about if I can't moan. Watch this space!

Nora, thank you for your kind comments and another 'fix', also for comments on previous post, sorry for not responding to those sooner.

Mysterycreature, welcome! Newcomers always gratefully received, glad you enjoyed it.

So Lovely, agreed, just not so hot being at the bottom! Love your blog, have put in link.

Mothership, Missed you too!! Can't wait for The Artists Way to arrive so I can participate in forum properly, it is synchronicity. x

Miss Whistle, you are right, spring is my favourite season, new and fresh with what seems to be an endless list of possibilities. Bring them on!

Welsh Girl said...

Great post! So glad that things are looking up and congratulations on the job.

Blogging is both liberating and strangely imprisoning (is that a word?). I don't like not being able to read my daily fix, or splurge my inane thoughts into the ether. I panic a little, and find myself spending more and more time blogging, less and less working (as now). This is possibly the early signs of a dangerous addiction, and I thought it would be fun to blog! Sorry rambling comment I know...

Nora Johnson said...
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